Upsideclone: For that which can't, won't or shouldn't be on Upsideclown.
Write for usArchiveUpsideclown

 
Hell Is Other People

You would probably think me insane if I were to begin my story by telling you that God came to me.

In a way, you would be right. At the very least, while not insane, I would be wrong, or speaking inaccurately.

The truth is, I am God. We all are. Not individually, mind, nor as a group, but rather as one individual.

Buddhists have it right, in a way, though most don't understand what they are saying. To reach heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it, we must indeed become one with the universe.

It's not simply a matter of belief or of intuition. It's not simply (if you can call it simply) a matter of attaining a zen state.

We must truly become one. Singular. Less than two.

The fewer of us there are, the closer we are to heaven. The catholic church, as I'm sure many already realised, is striving to guide us to hell. Breed, breed like there's no tomorrow, and soon enough there won't be.

That guy, whoever it was, the philosopher, who said 'hell is other people' - I wonder if he knew how right he was.

For each extra person in the universe, we are that much less together, less whole. There is only one, but it is scattered, and becoming ever more so.

So yes, God came to me, in the form of a simple realisation. I see us for what we are. The only way to come back together, to become whole, is to become one.

The only way to become one is to repeatedly become fewer, until only one remains.

Since I know, since I realise, I think I should embody that one. Anyone else would forget the goal before it could be attained.

I have known through many lifetimes now. At first I thought it would be easy. I came benevolent, told the world, told them we are one, and they nodded, agreed, worshipped me.

What is wrong with people? You tell them they are you, and they worship you. They are you! There is nothing to worship.

Several lifetimes, I tried that approach. "We are all of God," I told them, and they decide they are children of God. Surely, they act like children. I tried to explain, to tell them we are God, that all it takes is to become One, but by that point they'd started spreading their misinterpretation of my words, and my cause was lost.

And they breed. And they breed. And as they breed, they - we - become further from God, further scattered, and harder to convince that there is any other way. Closer to hell.

Worse, they bring me closer to hell with them. For every split the soul takes, I feel myself grow smaller.

So I gave up on benevolence, and adopted malevolence. That worked better - it got me killed, of course, but I don't mind that. One less split to the soul. I still remember. More importantly, malevolence brought us millions closer to being one.

So then what? People start to feel better about themselves, start to feel closer to God, and they stop believing in, stop following, my malevolence. It's infuriating! We got so close, so close to being brought down to seven figures... I realise that doesn't seem like much of a goal, but after three thousand years of getting closer to hell, any step back is a good step. And then they stopped the merging.

And then they started breeding, splitting again, twice as hard and twice as fast. Somehow, even after I planted the concept of overpopulation, and had everyone accept it, they still breed. It's like there's a true malevolent force at work, keeping us from God. And it's called us. It's called people.

This time, though, this time I shall surely succeed. I have my finger on the trigger, to bring a billion threads back into the true tapestry. It was hard to get in this position, but it will all be worth it to become One.

I feel them still breeding, feel it pulling me apart, my memory of God getting weaker.

My hand is on the trigger.

Ten... nine... eight... seven... six... five... four... three... two... billion.

Two billion lives. All of value. What was I thinking?

 
Write for Upsideclone

Upsideclone is now shuttered and no longer taking submissions.

Upsideclown is an evil cartel of seven who only write in a certain style on certain days of the week, and refuse to expand. Fah, say we! Upsideclone (this site, incase you hadn't noticed) serves to subvert the name of clown and to bring others into the fold.

If you've read Upsideclown and old articles here, you get the idea. Submissions are always welcome: We operate a strictly hands-off editorial approach (we won't even correct your spelling). Once submitted, your article goes to the vote by the seven clowns. A majority, and you're in the queue for Friday publications. Go on -- submissions@upsideclone.com. And if you want to know more, hints or clarifications: come ask us in talk.

 
Archive

Clare Maguire > 6dec2002 > The Face of The Future
Simon Batistoni > 15nov2002 > Ghost
Kelly Bean > 8nov2002 > The Program
Anonymous > 1nov2002 > Winning the Lottery
Ned > 25oct2002 > Calibre
Tom Massey > 4oct2002 > Roses
Simon Batistoni > 27sep2002 > Message Centre
Riana > 20sep2002 > Value Added
Giles Turnbull > 13sep2002 > A lab technician's lot
Kevan Davis > 6sep2002 > The Campaign for Real Advertising
Giles Turnbull > 30aug2002 > The old lady and the whelk
KTL > 23aug2002 > Feet
Sandy Tulloch > 16aug2002 > How the people came to stop thinking
RavenBlack > 9aug2002 > An Arm And A Leg
Nicholas Wilshere > 19jul2002 > Two full-page ads
Dustin Ruby > 12jul2002 > Family Life
Matt Jones > 14jun2002 > The end of history
Cathrine > 7jun2002 > The Eye of the Beholder
Nick > 31may2002 > I wanna shake your hand
RavenBlack > 24may2002 > Precognito Ergo Sum
Ned > 10may2002 > Spambot
Tyrethali > 26apr2002 > The Contest
Holly Gramazio > 19apr2002 > A Tale of No Watermelons
Brooke Magnanti > 12apr2002 > What The Dead Remember
Tyrethali > 5apr2002 > Superego
RavenBlack > 29mar2002 > Black Rain
james > 22mar2002 > The Atom Thief
RavenBlack > 15mar2002 > Soul Trap
matzu > 8mar2002 > Angry Elton
RavenBlack > 1mar2002 > Hell Is Other People
JT Bruce > 22feb2002 > Door Ajar
matzu > 15feb2002 > Send in the clones
Kevan Davis > 8feb2002 > Litter
RavenBlack > 1feb2002 > The Perfect Job
Tyrethali > 25jan2002 > Mystery
Giles Turnbull > 11jan2002 > The Twisted World of Advertising
Tom Armitage > 21dec2001 > Numbers
Sandy Tulloch > 14dec2001 > Killing Cats
Brooke Magnanti > 7dec2001 > The Jet Set
Giles Turnbull > 30nov2001 > Driftwood
james > 23nov2001 > with you in mind
RavenBlack > 16nov2001 > UpsideClones
Kevan Davis > 9nov2001 > Do Not Stand Forward Of This Notice
Giles Turnbull > 2nov2001 > Group Effort
Kevan Davis > 26oct2001 > Ask The Audience
RavenBlack > 19oct2001 > Don't You Just Hate Stupid People
Martin Griffiths > 12oct2001 > Your Nearest McDonalds...
RavenBlack > 5oct2001 > Life's a bureaucracy, and then you die
Kevan Davis > 28sep2001 > Work To Win
Tom Armitage > 21sep2001 > Don't Book it - Thomas Cook it.
Giles Turnbull > 14sep2001 > What happened to George
RavenBlack > 7sep2001 > Mental States
Kevan Davis > 31aug2001 > Walking Distance
Stuart and Jack > 24aug2001 > dialogue
Kevan Davis > 17aug2001 > Collector's Item

 
Articles by email

You can sign up to receive articles by email. Simple send the word subscribe in the body of an email to upsideclone-request@historicalfact.com. To leave send the word unsubscribe, but why would you ever want to?

 
Contact us

Catch us at Upsideclown, homepages of authors are hyperlinked above, or directly at it@upsideclone.com.